I got the joy of attending my High School reunion recently. And I do mean joy. Loyal readers, you know High School was not the high point of my life. It was not the best four years I have experienced. I didn't hang with the right group, didn't participate in the right activities, didn't sit at the right cafeteria table, didn't quite make it unscathed through gym class, didn't drive the right car, have the right hair, wear the right clothes, and you can keep filling in the blanks from there. But, as we have discussed before, I did not let them see me cry and I survived. I got out of there and, for a while at least, didn't look back. Until I did. Here's what I learned:
1. The people I thought had it so good back then didn't really have it so good. Sure, there's a fine line between caring and controlling, which was my situation, but there's also a fine line between permissive and complacent. There is also a big line sometimes, forming a big arrow pointing at abuse. As jealous as I was of the kids who could run amok and do what they wanted, I learn now sometimes all they wanted was someone in their life who actually cared where they were. Or who would stop hitting them. It's heart breaking to know some of the stuff that was going on right under our noses that none of us knew about. Or the stuff that some of us did know about, just didn't know what to do about it! Let that be a lesson, kids. The life that looks so great from the outside might not be all it's cracked up to be on the inside.
B. Some douches are still douches. But most of them grew up to be perfectly nice people! People who might have had some shit going on back then that they didn't know how to handle, or who got a few visits from the Karma bitch and got it together. Overwhelmingly, they turned out OK. Apparently, people really can change! Not everybody, mind you. Some people just aren't nice, regardless. But I did have some perfectly great conversations with people who never would have given me the time of day back then. It was pretty shocking. Unfortunately, it works the other way, too. Some people who were perfectly nice back then turned into real douche bags later. I don't know why, but it happened. I guess it's a circle. Some change, some don't, some change for the worse. Go figure.
III. Your best friends in High School, the ones you thought would always be your best friends and you would live together forever with your husbands and kids in some fictional beautiful world? Yeah, that doesn't happen. Some will move away, some you will lose in a divorce, some will turn into snarky people you want nothing to do with, some you will just realize one day you have absolutely nothing in common with. But there's another side to this coin, too. Those people you didn't really know back then, who traveled in different circles, who you either admired or judged from afar, or just didn't notice? Sometimes these are the ones you end up forming beautiful friendships with that are more pure than anything your High School self could ever have imagined! I know, right?
4. Some of your High School classmates grew up to marry some pretty great people. Some of them also grew up to have pretty great lives. Remember the lessons we learned from #1, though. No place for jealousy here. Just be happy for them and tell them.
E. Those grades you busted your ass to keep up back then aren't really very important. The A students aren't really, as a whole, doing any better financially than the C students. The ones who earned scholarships or had a "free ride" are still just as likely to be in dire straights as the ones who went right into the work force or took some community college courses. Apparently, life is a crap shoot, and those of us who made it out alive all have equal opportunity to be princes or paupers. You just hope everybody is doing something they enjoy and be happy for them.
VI. Stay true to your roots. I learned this years ago, when I decided to get in touch with my inner nerd and let my geek flag fly. But as a group, it's important, too. Our barn dance/ bonfire was so much better than the last time at a ball room. Why? We all grew up either farm kids or friends with farm kids. Trying to be anything else later is denying who we are at heart. Even I questioned myself in the last few weeks! I really did spend a few minutes questioning my fashion choices. I was asking others what was OK to wear! I was worried and almost bought new clothes! Then I remembered the reason I don't know anything about clothes is because I don't care, and that my true beauty lives on the inside. It was a really rough 3 minutes though.
All in all, I am very glad I went. We really did all turn out pretty good. So if you get your invitation, think about it. Then tell me what you learned!
