Facebook Fighting

     Let me say up front: I love Facebook. I can talk to far away family on a daily basis. I can catch up with former classmates, co-workers, and even people I see every day. My page for this blog (friend "Jill Said") gets me more readers then I ever thought possible. I first heard of Facebook a few years ago  while volunteering at Leroy's school. I heard a couple of other moms talking about Facebooking each other. Until then, I thought it was for college kids. Oh no, they informed me. The old people had taken over!

     So I got a computer and set up a Facebook. I friended family, actual friends, kids' parents, and everyone else I enjoy talking to. And then I learned there are some people I don't enjoy talking to. Some of them I am still expected to be "friends" with! But now as I read my newsfeed, there are some disturbing things going on sometimes. I call it Facebook Fighting.

     There are actually two kinds of Facebook Fighters. First we'll discuss the Baiters. These are the ones who will post a "bait" status, hoping to get a bite. Something like "Sally Jones is feeling aggravated." with no explanation. This is bait. Sally is aggravated by one of her Facebook "friends" and wants them to know it. They already do know it, but she wants to make sure everybody else knows they know it. And she secretly wants everybody to know what this person did to aggravate her, she just doesn't have the balls to tell anybody. So she posts her bait, sits back, and waits for the sparks to fly.

     Here's the problem. This is a trap. A very easy trap to fall into, but still a trap. We've all been guilty of taking this bait and falling right into the trap. Even me. But the trap is slippery, and the trap is deep! And once you fall into it, you might never get back out!

     It starts with a nibble, usually from someone who has no idea what the hell is going on. "Oh no!" they reply, "What on earth has happened to aggravate you?" To which Sally responds with some vague statement like "I've had the worst day of my entire life" or, better still, nothing. Meanwhile, Julie Smith (the bitch who pissed off Sally in the first place) has a choice to make. She's been reading this since it was posted. She is stewing. There are 1001 smart-ass comments she could make running through her mind. She really wants to post one. DON'T! Don't fall into the trap! Yes, we know Sally's a whiny little whore and needs to be taken down a peg. But seriously, don't do it! It does not end well. See, Julie will post something like "Yes, Sally. Do tell us all why you've had such a bad day." And that's the moment the shit will hit the fan.

     Usually it's not Sally who is actually throwing the shit. It's one of Sally's "friends" who knows the whole story. This "friend" will chime in with "You know damn well why her day is bad, Julie! You're the one who committed the sin to make it that way!" Oh, snap. Here we go. Now everybody and their brother is going to weigh in on who did what to who and why, and we officially have a Facebook Fight.

     The other kind of fighter is the stalker. This is the person who has a "friend" they hate so much, they  watch this person's feed for any opportunity to mess with them. So Sally can post something completely innocent like "I just had a cook-out with the kids" and along comes Julie to turn it ugly. It will be something like "Oh, did you deny their father his normal visitation so you could bribe the kids with hot dogs?" Or "Your mother paid your electric bill, you can cook inside now." Something to that effect. And again, the game is on. Because now Sally's "friends" are outraged on her behalf, and they will post things to defend her. Then Julie's "friends" will pipe in with their two cents, siding with her. And at the end of the day, we all hate each other.

     Seriously, we are all guilty of trapping or falling into this trap at least once. Even me. (I know! You'd think I'd be smarter! You'd think wrong.) But some people are so good at it, or so bored with life, they have made a sport of it! Unfriend these people. Now. Or remember who and what they are. Hide their posts from your feed if you have to. Read the bait, say out loud to the computer screen the witty insult you are thinking. But don't type it. If you do feel the need to type it, don't post it under any circumstances. Just don't. Even if someone is insulting you. Even if someone is insulting your mother, or your sister, or your adult son. Just don't. If they are insulting you, block them. If they are insulting your best friend, ignore them. This is not your fight. Let me repeat this last part, because I know you didn't catch it. This. Is. NOT. Your. Fight. It may seem like it's your fight, but it's not. It's your brother's fight. It's your best friend's fight. It's your cousin's fight. But it is not your fight.

     I recently witnessed a stalker fight on Facebook. Ok, maybe Sally's post was a little bit baiting, but it did seem as if Julie was waiting for any opening she could find. And when she found it, boy did she go in full boar! Name calling, accusations, the whole nine yards. And as if that wasn't bad enough, another "friend" had to join the mix, adding his support to the documented verbal abuse being doled out! Here's my main problem with this particular situation. The person whose wall this was on has 664 "friends" who got to read bad things about her. The person starting the fight has 3850 "friends" who have access to this feed and now should know exactly what a meddling bitch their "friend" really is. (On a side note, seriously! Who knows 3580 people? Really?) Then, when the calvary jumped in with his equally rude comments, that expanded the available readership by another 2244 people. So when all was said and done, 6468 people had access to this conversation. A conversation which wasn't even the fight of anyone involved! It wasn't even their fight, and now 6468 people know how mean people can be.

     Now, I'm not talking about trolling the pages of groups you hate and trying to teach them how to add. Yes, I'm talking to you, One Million Moms. Groups that spew hate and  intolerance deserve a math lesson every so often. They have learned how to block, so at least their technical skills are good. Group hate is really good clean fun, and if they can't take it they really shouldn't start the group. No, I'm talking about actual people who you know and are supposed to be a "friend" to. Even if you're related to them. Seriously, just don't do it. Don't post the bait; you know where it's going to go. If the bait is aimed at you, don't bite. You know where it will go. And remember: 99% of the time, it's not your fight. If it is your fight, do yourself a favor and look at the number of "friends" your adversary has. Add this to the number of "friends" you have. Then you might as well factor in the amounts for anybody else you think might get involved. If what you are about to type shouldn't be said in front of 6468 people, it shouldn't be read by them either. Don't type it. Now you'll have to excuse me, I have some arithmetic lessons I need to get back to.