You all know I was born in the early 70's, and that music has always and continues to mold my life. Just like most of you. All of our special moments are framed by music. What was your prom theme? What was the first song you danced to as a married couple? What song did your child's mobile play? What CD is currently in your car's player? What song do you want played at your funeral? Not only do songs supply the mood for all we do, they also sometimes tell us how to behave. They tell us how to love, how to break up, how to survive afterward, and what to do next. They tell us how to be parents, how to treat our parents, and some of them even how to become parents! One thing they have taught everybody in my generation though, is not to cry.
Melissa Manchester told me when I was a child not to cry out loud. She told me to keep it inside, and learn how to hide my feelings. Kelly Clarkson reminded me as an adult that even if I make her cry, I don't get to actually see those tears in her hazel eyes. I learned well. I bet the rest of you did, too.
Then I became a Mom. And no matter how hard I try, there are things that make me cry. Like when Alfred left Bruce Wayne. When all the toys were in the furnace. Pink songs. When kids are nice to each other. When Elphie and Glinda change each other for good. The Special Olympics. When Sheldon hugs Leonard. Anything being born. You get it. But the one time I still feel the need to fight it is when someone does something hurtful.
I, like most women, cry when I'm mad. This makes me even more mad, since the last thing in the world I want is for the bastard who made me mad to see me cry! What would Melissa and Kelly think? I would be such a disappointment to them! So I fight it. I take a lap, I go away, I will myself more control. I do whatever it takes not to let the person who caused the tears see me cry! I know I'm not the only one. We all do it. Men, women, even children. We are convinced that our tears will give that other person power over us. In an attempt to keep that power from them, we refuse to give them our ammunition tears. Human nature.
But what if we're wrong? What if our tears don't give them power? What if knowing they made us cry instead actually takes away some of their power? I know, but stay with me here. Maybe, just maybe, some of the people who are saying hurtful things to us don't realize how hurtful their words are. Maybe, since we've heard them and not been visibly upset before, they don't know they are upsetting us. Maybe they are trying for a different response, and think that's what they are getting. Maybe they even mean to hurt us a little bit, but don't realize how much they actually do hurt us. Maybe they don't even care, but certainly the people around them should. To test my hypothesis, I suggest an experiment. It will be hard; it goes against everything we've ever been taught. But I am going to participate, so let's all try it together.
Cry. Openly. Without shame. Next time someone treats you in a way that makes you want to cry, do it. No fighting back tears. Let them go. Just let our honest feelings and tears out. I don't know what the response will be. Maybe our girls are right and we will be openly mocked. (Fair warning for those who choose to join me.) Maybe however, our tears won't give them power. Maybe our tears will instead give them pause. I'm not saying our tears should be a weapon. That's manipulative and wrong. I am saying that if they are there on their own, let them be.
I'm not going to actively look for these situations, nor should you. But the next time one presents itself, I'm going to block out Melissa and Kelly, and I'm going to let the tears flow instead. If you're willing, try it too. Let me know what happens, because you know I'll let you know.
