Have you seen any of these public service announcements with people saying "It gets better?" I love this. I have been saying for years "High School is not real life" but this phrase is a lot shorter and easier. We are basically saying the same thing.
I first discovered this the summer after I graduated. I attended a travel school, where a bunch of recent graduates (mostly female) went to live and learn together for 5 weeks in a strange land known as Florida. Ironically, I really hate to travel now. I think it's the thought of having to pay for a place to sleep, when at home I already pay for a place to sleep. But I digress. While we were there learning, there was a small group of "Mean Girls," straight out of Tina Fey's childhood. They were making fun of someone, laughing at people, talking behind the other girls' backs, basically doing all the things the popular kids did back in High School. Until another girl called them on it. She scolded them, saying their behavior was "So NOT cool!" All I could think was: Whoa! Six months ago, these girls were the definition of cool! What happened? Oh yeah, we graduated. OK, high school is not real life. Yay!
I did however get to experience what it is like to be one of the cool kids. I was just in my mid 20's at the time. I worked at a place with a very defined caste system. Somehow, and I still can't tell you how, except that I was unhappily married with no children and had a lot of disposable income, I became part of the IN crowd. Being the nerd in hiding I was at the time, I happily joined. We would leave work, go to whatever bar was decided on that evening, stay until it closed, go home, get up in the morning and do it all over again. I quickly learned I cannot be a cool kid, even if they let me try.
I don't normally stick out in a crowd. I am of average height, average build, average attractiveness level. Drunk people tend not to remember me. I can only introduce myself to the same person about 6 times before I really don't care to know them. I also do not drive drunk, so sipping cola surrounded by drunk people was kind of awkward, too. I put up with it though, for about 6 months, just because I was allowed to hang with the cool kids! Maybe, if I played my cards right, I could actually be one of them someday! (I know. Remind me I was in my mid 20's at the time. But old rejection issues die hard, OK?) So I drove, and I played, and I bought, and I sucked up, and I stopped talking to the other people. You know, the ones in the lower castes. And I really thought I was happy being one of the cool kids. But then there was a turning point.
A circle of people gathered out behind the bar. Of course, being with the cool kids, I was invited into the circle. There was a pipe being passed. I assume it was pot, but nobody specified. The complete stranger to my left was next up to get it, and I looked at him. Specifically, at his mouth. It was not a pretty mouth. It was not a clean looking mouth. It did not look like a mouth I would want anywhere near any of my body parts. At any time, for any reason. But in order to remain a part of the cool kid group, I was expected to take an object which had just been in his mouth, and then put it into mine! That did it. My inner nerd voice got really loud right at that moment, and told me to get the hell out of there! So I did. I turned around and walked away. I drove home and made plans to set the poor man I was married to free. I decided to be me, in all my geeky glory, and to hell with all those cool people! Do you know what my new cool friends' reaction was to me walking away? None. They didn't notice. That was my wake up call. The cool kids don't care about even each other. Nice.
Yes, High School is not real life. Until it is. I didn't have this problem until I had school age kids of my own. Sometimes the parents aren't so adult. I have to assume these people had a much different High School experience than I did, since I would never want to relive mine. Ever. Or maybe they had my kind of experience and don't want their children to live the hell they did. I don't know, but there always seems to be a group of parents who are still living the high school dream, just 20 years later. Through their children. The peer pressure is brutal. The snide comments are heartbreaking. The blatant teaching of improper behavior to the kids is unforgivable. Their kids suffer just as much as ours do, too. They can't have the friends they want to have, can't join the clubs they want to join, have to be the cool kids their parents expect them to be. It has to suck! And they treat me like I got treated back then. That really sucks. Except now, I'm better equipped to handle it. I know how to let it go. I know to only surround myself with the good kids, and stay away from those mean ones. I get it now, because as much as the ones stuck in the past try to make it so, High School is not real life.
So, to be me, I'm trying to think of a funny way to wrap up this story. But I can't. Just take this one as one of my rants, and remember, weather you are living it now or already lived through it: High School is not real life! In other words, it gets better.
