Open Letter

     I keep seeing famous people writing these "open letters" to each other. Huh? I guess if you're famous and have something to say to someone who's also famous, you just write a letter. But instead of mailing it, you publicly publish it so everyone in the world can see it. OK, I'm game. I'm not famous, nor do I know any famous people, but hey, I have some people I can talk to, so here goes.

     Dear Single Mother,

      I'm going to get the outrage started right now by being brutally honest. I have never liked you. Let me tell you how you appear to outsiders. We see a woman who got pregnant by a loser. Or worse yet, a woman who had a great man but decided to let him go. We see a woman with too much going on, who failed to plan ahead. We see a woman who flaunts the fact that she can pop out kids just to get a piece of the welfare pie. We see a woman who intentionally keeps her innocent children away from their wonderful father just so she can be the martyr. We see a woman who expects and asks for special treatment just because she couldn't keep it together. We see a woman who does not know or care how important it is for children to grow up with a Dad. We see a woman ruining her childrens' lives simply because she wanted some strange or decided she didn't like her husband anymore. We see a woman with manicured nails whose kids are dirty or poorly dressed. We see all the things we never want to be. We also see a glimpse of what we could be, if we were pushed into the same situation. We hate you and we fear you. More than anything, we don't want to be you.

     Now I will tell you something else. I was wrong. And I am truly sorry.

     Now, as a grown up with my own child, I am capable of seeing things from another's perspective.I realize nobody should be punished forever for one bad decision. I understand that sometimes things don't work out the way we planned, or the way we wanted. I know now that nobody chooses to need help, and it's even harder to accept when it's from the wrong sources. I know that when you are in the grocery store line buying the meal the kid was supposed to have already been fed, his appearance is probably not what it would be if he were with you all day. I now know that sometimes the man whining about never being allowed to see his own children may actually have ample opportunity, just not under the terms he thinks he deserves. I know that, no matter upon whom we choose to blame  the break up of any relationship, it can't possibly be all one person's fault. I now see that sometimes a girl can get so lost in a boy that she forgets how to be smart. I know now, thanks to life and experience, that sometimes shit just happens. And you can't control it, or take it back, or make it un-happen.

     I also have learned that, contrary to popular belief, you're not contagious. For this belief, dear single mother, is why people are so mean to you. We think you're going to infect us. We think if we get too close to you, we'll get it, too. You know, like Smallpox. So we avoid you. We stand as far away as we can on our pedestals of judgment and we hope we never catch what you have. And we are wrong to do that, and again I am sorry.

     It's exhausting, and I completely understand why you can be grumpy sometimes. You wake up (if you were lucky enough to actually get any sleep at all) and have to get sleepy grumpy kids out of the house to get them where they need to be all day. Then off to your job where you toil all day while worrying about the one who was sniffling this morning, hoping they don't call you to come get him. Off work, pick them up, and the last thing in the world you want to do is cook, so maybe a run through the drive thru will be OK. Then home to make sure everybody's fed, clean, and homeworked so you can collapse and do it all again tomorrow. And yes, you need help! You need help from the bastard who put you in this position to begin with! And when he's not there to provide the help, it makes you even more furious, and adds to the stress and exhaustion you already feel. It sucks. Every single day. And watching self-righteous two parent bitches judge you for doing the best you can just adds to the shit mix that is life.

     So I vow to never be that self-righteous bitch again. And I sincerely apologize that I was ever her. I don't expect your forgiveness (that's just permission to do it again, as we all know) but I apologize anyway. And I make a plea to all Mothers, and really all women. Look, we are all in this fucked up world together. If we can't help each other out sometimes, we really aren't any better than men. So let's all just stop the judgmental bullshit and be nice to one another. I promise to start doing my part right now.

                                                                                                                    Love,
                                                                                                                    Jill